How to Deal with Rejection

Dating is a very important lesson in our lives, but what do we do when we face rejection and how do we deal with it? We have all been rejected at some point in our lives but being rejected by someone we really like can make us feel extremely insecure and we'd question what is wrong with us. Unfortunately, it is a by-product of dating and it can be a real blow to our self-esteem and our confidence. The way that people deal with rejection can be very complex and can depend on different factors such as relationships that we have had in the past, our personality and even things that we have had to deal with in our past childhood times.

We also often want to blame ourselves, but this is the worst thing to do. By doing this, we can spiral into a hole of “what if’s” and “why me”. Try not to take it personally which is easier said than done. If someone you are dating thinks the date hasn’t gone well, they may dump you because they think you may do it to them. It is almost like a defense mechanism.

Common reasons for rejection are:

Fear of failure from your partner

Lack of communication

Meeting someone else

Not over a past relationship

Lack of chemistry

Fear of commitment

It was just a casual fling

The problem that we have with rejection is that it hurts us and it may also prevent us from approaching another person. However, it is best not to focus on the pain that we are experiencing now as this will only heighten it.

The top thing that we can do when we are dumped is to try and learn from it. Try and work out what went wrong or even ask the other person what their reasons were.

"I have personally found this the best way to deal with being dumped, as most of the time, you'll find out that it is something so small that you shouldn’t worry and upset yourself over it, such as the person wasn’t ready to commit or take things further," explains Aaron, a graduate from Singapore. He adds: "However, it is also best to avoid this if you think it may lead to more problems."

Try to balance being rejected with confidence, which isn’t an easy thing to do. However, the more confident we are, the better equipped we are to deal with it in the future. Let rejection make you stronger and wiser. Face the truth, learn from it and move on. Dust yourself off and get back on the dating scene by following these tips.

Address the pain - It’s no use hiding in your bed or behind a big bottle of wine. You’re bound to feel a great deal of pain and it’s good to embrace it. Rejection hurts but you need to face it to fix it to be able to move on. Have a good cry about it and let your feelings out.

"Whether it hurts a lot, or a little, depends on how much of our feelings have been invested in the person. Being rejected by someone you love can be devastating and can really affect your self-esteem. Some people can feel blind-sided and even question their choices, thinking and self-worth" says Dr Gabriella Morrissey a sexologist, sex therapist and author.

"When you feel rejected socially, the same circuits in your brain light up as when you feel physical pain. No wonder we struggle so much when handling rejection", says David Rock, an author, consultant and lecturer.

Acknowledge that anyone can be rejected - no matter who they are, and you were. You may not want to face the fact that you got rejected, but you did. It happens to everyone and comes hand-in-hand with dating. Unfortunately, we all have to go through it at some point in our lives; so you are not alone.

"Every human on this earth has been rejected in some way. It is part of the human experience and it does not skip over anyone. Even the most beautiful and successful people in the world have been rejected at some point. You’re not alone."

(Source: Sandra Connor, Dealing with Rejection)

Avoid needless anguish - Some relationships are worth fighting for, but really, take a look at what the reasons were that led to the break-up or rejection. Sometimes things just don’t work out. You have to learn and know when to let it go and spend your time fighting for something and someone with a future.

Peter*, who is 34 and works in sales, has recently split from his girlfriend. He tells us that: "I still love her and I know she loves me but I'm slowly realising that that doesn't necessarily mean that we work as a couple. I feel so bad and guilty for ending it andthat I'm being so cold towardsher after we've been together so long and loved so much, but I just pray I'm doing the right thing and that she can be happy again some day."

Keep occupied - Get outside, get together with friends, join a club and keep social. Not only will it be better for you mentally, but it can also serve as an intro to your next relationship!

"I found that the best way to deal with this, is to go out with my friends and keep busy", say Marina* who is currently single but dating. She adds: "It keeps your mind off the issues, and who better to keep your spirits up than your friends."

Take your time - It may sound annoying to hear that but getting over someone can't happen overnight. One day, you will be over them however it may take a while. Think positive.

Caroline*, who has recently been through a break-up explains that "being rejected by someone makes us feel small, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self-confidence and want to crawl into our shell until we feel strong again. I don't think there is anything wrong with crawling into our shell, and feeling sorry for yourself for a while. Everyone has been through this, so they know that after a little time, you will emerge; albeit slightly bruised, but stronger."

The right person is out there - Know that if you get rejected in love and relationships, there is always someone else out there and a soul mate for you. It really can take you this long to find your love.

# Names have been changed to protect identity.